.jpg)
“How many kids do you have?”
That’s not a question I ever thought would bring me to a full stop and mental stutter before becoming a mom. I mean it’s a simple question right? And yet it’s the most complicated and nuanced question of my motherhood journey.
Here’s how the conversation goes:
Me: 6.
Stranger: You’ve had SIX KIDS??
Me: Well, no. I have six kids in my house currently. But there have been more who I still think about daily. And half the kids I have are only recently mine. Because for years and years they weren’t really mine at all. They were their mothers’. They were only mine to love for however long the state said. #fostermom #keepsayingyes
I’ve had three through birth, but even so my heart still says 2 because my first feels like she was removed from my body rather than birthed. #traumaticcesarean #vbacmomma
I’ve had four growing in my belly, but only three made it into my arms. One is waiting to meet me in Heaven. #ihadamiscarriage #miscarriagesucks
Stranger: Oh. 😳😕🤔 Okaaaaaaay. So you’re done now, right?
Me: 🙄✌🏼
And that’s why I usually just nod and smile to the first question instead of unload all of my often misunderstood emotional motherhood baggage.
I started writing this on #rainbowbabyday but life happened and I’m just now finishing it. The point is this, a friendly PSA: stay out of a woman’s uterus. Stay out of a couple’s family planning. Stop asking if they’re ever going to have kids, when they’re finally going to give you a ________, don’t remind her of her biological clock, and don’t give her any version of your opinion that she has enough. You have no idea of her road up to that point. She owes you zero explanation. And you could very likely be pressing on an already painful wound.
Let’s practice some alternatives…
You see a couple or a friend with no children: Hi! How are you! It’s so good to see you!
You see a couple or a friend with ___ children: You have such a beautiful family!
I promise if she wants to dive into her journey to motherhood, she will. ❤️❤️
