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This son of mine. He stands in the middle of a fierce pack of siblings, built through adoption. But he’s also the oldest in his biological family. And yesterday his baby brother was adopted out of foster care into another family.
I’ve shared bits and pieces of this broken tragedy. I don’t share much or often because I physically can’t take it. Thinking about it for too long, feeling it too much sends me spiraling into a pit of heartache and rage which requires lots of time and effort to pull out from. But with this finalization of their separation, I can’t help but be consumed by it. I feel like I’m boiling and bleeding all at the same time. I’m so fucking angry at the system I can’t see straight, and I’m also absolutely gutted for this immense loss that these brothers have endured at the whim of someone who knows nothing more about them than a few facts he’d have to double check in a file.
This is the case that broke us as foster parents. This was the case that finally became too much and left us with only the option to quit—a decision I’m still racked with guilt over. I do not understand why Child Welfare was so hellbent on these brothers growing up apart. I do not understand how they were allowed to pick and choose which laws to follow and which ones to ignore or flat out break. I do not understand how they managed to fast track this adoption in a year and a half when Khalil’s took three and circumstances were the same. I do not understand the complacency of the lawyers who just let it happen rather than speak up and create a little more work. I do not understand how the system is built in such a way that we weren’t even allowed in court to try to fight for them. I do not understand how we are supposed to explain all of this injustice to him.
Today is National Adoption Day. Today the pain is too great for a rejoicing paragraph about how adoption has built this family. Because today more than ever is a sobering reminder that adoption is not the happily ever after. That loss and trauma can and will still keep coming for them. That the system built to serve our most vulnerable children consistently puts the needs and rights of those children dead last.
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